Reflection Questions

My accountability partner and I went over these questions (some of them anyway) last time we met.  I like the wording of the questions...the meaning is somewhat ambiguous to make you dig deeper for the answers.  I would like to think about them and possibly make some goals out of them!  Here it goes.

The members of John Wesley’s Holy Club asked themselves these questions each day in their private devotions:

1. Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I really am? In other words, am I hypocrite?

I feel like many times when I'm discussing scripture with, say, friends at IV at NDSU, I can come up with good points of insight.  For example, last week we talked about welcoming in people who feel like outsiders.  We discussed tips to help us better welcome them into a possibly uncomfortable situation or environment for them.  

Our group thought of many good ways to include "outsiders," some of which I came up with.  However, I find these pointers very difficult to put into practice...much more difficult said than done.  Of course, in that situation, I'm not pretending to be better than I really am, I guess.  But what I find very negative about these discussions we have is when I make little or no effort to try to change my weaknesses.

2. Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?

I definitely cannot say that I am always completely honest in all my acts and words in terms of always having a joyful heart when serving.  There have been times when I have reluctantly agreed to doing something for someone.  My words to those people may have seemed up-beat and willing, but my heart was not joyful.  So I would say I have exaggeration in some circumstances.  "NO" is a powerful word to learn.  :)

3. Do I confidently pass on to another what I was told in confidence?

I know I have done it in the past.  For the last few years, I have been a lot better in this area; although it is still sometimes difficult to decipher what information another person always wants kept a secret if they don't concretely specify.  I am generally a very open person about situations that arise in my life, and I know I need to be more sensitive in understanding that not everyone else is the same in that respect.

4. Can I be trusted?

I think I can be trusted in terms of people sharing their feelings, hurts, and joys with me (their heart).  I love people...I can empathize with people most of the time.  I like to try to dig deeper with people and see if there is a deeper meaning in the issues with which they're dealing.  God has shown me that I need to learn to lean on Him and trust that He will give me His words when I am trying to comfort someone who is struggling; and also how I can integrate my faith into conversations with people.  I believe God's power working through me enables me to be trusted more because I am relying less and less on my own understanding.

I am not always reliable.  Sometimes I say I'll be somewhere, and then I genuinely forget and don't go.  In that way, I deserve not to be trusted.  Although missing an event that I said I'd be at does NOT mean I don't care; it just means I have a lot on my mind that is distracting me from the "here and now."

5. Am I a slave to dress, friends, work, or habits?

This question confuses me a little bit.  I guess, yes, I would consider myself a slave to habits sometimes.  For example, I tend to exhibit a fair amount of laziness when I get done with class for the day.  Laziness can become a habit...I complain to myself because "I've been in class all morning, and I didn't understand the material and it's so hard and I'm so dumb, and it takes so much brain power to sit and focus on the material and...poor me, I don't want to do it!!"  Habits are hard to break.  When I've been lazy for some days in a row, it's hard to break free and exert myself to actually get something productive done.  

6. Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?  

YES.  All three of these fit me...

7. Did the Bible live in me today?

No.  Quite honestly, it's hard to allow the Bible to "live" in me when I haven't been reading it.  Reading God's word is an activity I would like to establish as a habit.

8. Do I give it time to speak to me everyday?

No....see above.

9. Am I enjoying prayer?

Prayer to me lately has been more of an obligation.  I really believe that satan uses laziness as a stronghold.  I find that the more lazy I am, the fewer difficulties I face.  Funny concept, right?  But if you think about it, the devil sees we're being lazy, not growing in our faith and consequently not sharing it with others, and he laughs to himself and says, "There's a job well done!  She's exactly where I want her..."  

10. When did I last speak to someone else of my faith?

Last semester (In December of 2008)

11. Do I pray about the money I spend?

Not usually

12. Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?

I don't have "on times" for bed and getting up....unless I have class in the morning or church or someplace to be.  So in that respect, I guess I get up on time.  The times definitely vary.  I'm not going to beat myself up in this area at this time, however.

13. Do I disobey God in anything?

I believe I disobey him in my attitude quite a bit.  I feel like complaining or grumbling sometimes when he calls me to use the gifts he has given to me.  I would like to rejoice in these opportunities to serve and allow God to reveal HImself to me through them.

14. Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscious is uneasy?

My conscience is very strong.  I know immediately if I said or did something wrong.  I do defy it sometimes; however.  Specifically when there is something I don't want to do but know I should.

15. Am I defeated in any part of my life?

I feel like my self-confidence is defeated in areas of my life.  I have anxiety in some areas (some academic and others social).  I believe I need to hand these over to God and let them deal with them.

16. Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy, or distrustful?

Some of these...I won't go into detail right now because I can't think of specifics for all of them.

17. How do I spend my spare time?

Being with friends, on the internet, watching movies or t.v. programs, working out, IV, very minimally studying.

18. Am I proud?

Yup.

19. Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisee who despised the publican?

I don't quite understand the example.  But does this mean thanking God that you are not as "bad" or "sinful" as other people?  I actually don't think I do this.  If anyone could clarify, please feel free!

20. Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard?

I have had problems with some people in the past.  I've forgiven these people, however, and try to reject any feelings of disdain that try to pop-up again.

21. Do I grumble or complain constantly?

Not constantly...but definitely sometimes.

22. Is Christ real to me?

Yes, VERY real.  Which is why I'm ashamed that I haven't spent as much time with Him as I'd like to or should.  

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Heavenly Father,  Thank you for this time of reflection that you've given me on my life through these questions.  Lord, I can tell that there are specific areas I need to work on in my life.  I pray that you would work right along side me!  I recall when Jessica and I were talking about the "little things" in life we neglect to pray for because these are duties "we can take care of by ourselves..." but Lord, I know this isn't true.  My list of sins and impurities is extensive, Father.  I cannot begin to quench the feelings of bitterness, jealousy, pride, judgment, dissatisfaction, and laziness that creep up within me.  Lord, these are feelings of the flesh...feelings that do not come from you but that come from the evil one.  God I pray that I would look to you daily to help me fight these impurities!  Father, equip me with your spiritual armor.  Remind me to clothe myself with it daily so that I can defeat the attacks of the enemy.  Lord, I want to GROW this semester!  Help me not to be stagnant.  Present me with opportunities to advance your kingdom.  Help me to have joy in times of trial and pain.  Lord, I give you all my weaknesses.  I confess that I cannot deal with them on my own.  Thank you that you are so strong while I am so very weak.  Lord, I give you all the glory!  Please break-down my pride, Lord.  Humble me so that I can be more like you.  I love you Father!!

In Jesus' name,

Amen