Reflection Questions

My accountability partner and I went over these questions (some of them anyway) last time we met.  I like the wording of the questions...the meaning is somewhat ambiguous to make you dig deeper for the answers.  I would like to think about them and possibly make some goals out of them!  Here it goes.

The members of John Wesley’s Holy Club asked themselves these questions each day in their private devotions:

1. Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I really am? In other words, am I hypocrite?

I feel like many times when I'm discussing scripture with, say, friends at IV at NDSU, I can come up with good points of insight.  For example, last week we talked about welcoming in people who feel like outsiders.  We discussed tips to help us better welcome them into a possibly uncomfortable situation or environment for them.  

Our group thought of many good ways to include "outsiders," some of which I came up with.  However, I find these pointers very difficult to put into practice...much more difficult said than done.  Of course, in that situation, I'm not pretending to be better than I really am, I guess.  But what I find very negative about these discussions we have is when I make little or no effort to try to change my weaknesses.

2. Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?

I definitely cannot say that I am always completely honest in all my acts and words in terms of always having a joyful heart when serving.  There have been times when I have reluctantly agreed to doing something for someone.  My words to those people may have seemed up-beat and willing, but my heart was not joyful.  So I would say I have exaggeration in some circumstances.  "NO" is a powerful word to learn.  :)

3. Do I confidently pass on to another what I was told in confidence?

I know I have done it in the past.  For the last few years, I have been a lot better in this area; although it is still sometimes difficult to decipher what information another person always wants kept a secret if they don't concretely specify.  I am generally a very open person about situations that arise in my life, and I know I need to be more sensitive in understanding that not everyone else is the same in that respect.

4. Can I be trusted?

I think I can be trusted in terms of people sharing their feelings, hurts, and joys with me (their heart).  I love people...I can empathize with people most of the time.  I like to try to dig deeper with people and see if there is a deeper meaning in the issues with which they're dealing.  God has shown me that I need to learn to lean on Him and trust that He will give me His words when I am trying to comfort someone who is struggling; and also how I can integrate my faith into conversations with people.  I believe God's power working through me enables me to be trusted more because I am relying less and less on my own understanding.

I am not always reliable.  Sometimes I say I'll be somewhere, and then I genuinely forget and don't go.  In that way, I deserve not to be trusted.  Although missing an event that I said I'd be at does NOT mean I don't care; it just means I have a lot on my mind that is distracting me from the "here and now."

5. Am I a slave to dress, friends, work, or habits?

This question confuses me a little bit.  I guess, yes, I would consider myself a slave to habits sometimes.  For example, I tend to exhibit a fair amount of laziness when I get done with class for the day.  Laziness can become a habit...I complain to myself because "I've been in class all morning, and I didn't understand the material and it's so hard and I'm so dumb, and it takes so much brain power to sit and focus on the material and...poor me, I don't want to do it!!"  Habits are hard to break.  When I've been lazy for some days in a row, it's hard to break free and exert myself to actually get something productive done.  

6. Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?  

YES.  All three of these fit me...

7. Did the Bible live in me today?

No.  Quite honestly, it's hard to allow the Bible to "live" in me when I haven't been reading it.  Reading God's word is an activity I would like to establish as a habit.

8. Do I give it time to speak to me everyday?

No....see above.

9. Am I enjoying prayer?

Prayer to me lately has been more of an obligation.  I really believe that satan uses laziness as a stronghold.  I find that the more lazy I am, the fewer difficulties I face.  Funny concept, right?  But if you think about it, the devil sees we're being lazy, not growing in our faith and consequently not sharing it with others, and he laughs to himself and says, "There's a job well done!  She's exactly where I want her..."  

10. When did I last speak to someone else of my faith?

Last semester (In December of 2008)

11. Do I pray about the money I spend?

Not usually

12. Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?

I don't have "on times" for bed and getting up....unless I have class in the morning or church or someplace to be.  So in that respect, I guess I get up on time.  The times definitely vary.  I'm not going to beat myself up in this area at this time, however.

13. Do I disobey God in anything?

I believe I disobey him in my attitude quite a bit.  I feel like complaining or grumbling sometimes when he calls me to use the gifts he has given to me.  I would like to rejoice in these opportunities to serve and allow God to reveal HImself to me through them.

14. Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscious is uneasy?

My conscience is very strong.  I know immediately if I said or did something wrong.  I do defy it sometimes; however.  Specifically when there is something I don't want to do but know I should.

15. Am I defeated in any part of my life?

I feel like my self-confidence is defeated in areas of my life.  I have anxiety in some areas (some academic and others social).  I believe I need to hand these over to God and let them deal with them.

16. Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy, or distrustful?

Some of these...I won't go into detail right now because I can't think of specifics for all of them.

17. How do I spend my spare time?

Being with friends, on the internet, watching movies or t.v. programs, working out, IV, very minimally studying.

18. Am I proud?

Yup.

19. Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisee who despised the publican?

I don't quite understand the example.  But does this mean thanking God that you are not as "bad" or "sinful" as other people?  I actually don't think I do this.  If anyone could clarify, please feel free!

20. Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold a resentment toward or disregard?

I have had problems with some people in the past.  I've forgiven these people, however, and try to reject any feelings of disdain that try to pop-up again.

21. Do I grumble or complain constantly?

Not constantly...but definitely sometimes.

22. Is Christ real to me?

Yes, VERY real.  Which is why I'm ashamed that I haven't spent as much time with Him as I'd like to or should.  

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Heavenly Father,  Thank you for this time of reflection that you've given me on my life through these questions.  Lord, I can tell that there are specific areas I need to work on in my life.  I pray that you would work right along side me!  I recall when Jessica and I were talking about the "little things" in life we neglect to pray for because these are duties "we can take care of by ourselves..." but Lord, I know this isn't true.  My list of sins and impurities is extensive, Father.  I cannot begin to quench the feelings of bitterness, jealousy, pride, judgment, dissatisfaction, and laziness that creep up within me.  Lord, these are feelings of the flesh...feelings that do not come from you but that come from the evil one.  God I pray that I would look to you daily to help me fight these impurities!  Father, equip me with your spiritual armor.  Remind me to clothe myself with it daily so that I can defeat the attacks of the enemy.  Lord, I want to GROW this semester!  Help me not to be stagnant.  Present me with opportunities to advance your kingdom.  Help me to have joy in times of trial and pain.  Lord, I give you all my weaknesses.  I confess that I cannot deal with them on my own.  Thank you that you are so strong while I am so very weak.  Lord, I give you all the glory!  Please break-down my pride, Lord.  Humble me so that I can be more like you.  I love you Father!!

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Stop it, Sarah!

If only getting rid of the attributes we don't like were this easy, hmm?

Enjoy! :)

Whiter than SNOW!!

A song from Psalm 51:

"Create in me a clean heart, oh God.  And renew a right spirit within me!  

Create in me a clean heart, oh God.  And renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from Thy presence, oh Lord.  And take not Thy Holy Spirit from me.

Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation, and renew a right spirit within me."

Snow is bright white.  The brightness is so brilliant, that I literally squint when I walk outside.  Even opening the shade in my apartment makes my eyes have to refocus to shield out some of the color.  I cannot imagine anything whiter.

And to think, when God cleanses us of sin, He makes us even WHITER than snow!  Psalm 51, verse 7 says, "Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be WHITER THAN SNOW...."  Verse 10, "Create in me a clean heart, O God.  Renew a loyal spirit within me."  Verse 12, "Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you."

This is my prayer today.  Last week was difficult. I have been struggling with bitterness, frustration, pride, and jealousy.  I have been asked to do things by people that I did not want to do, to which I reluctantly agreed, making me bitter.  The bitterness made me frustrated.  Classes were not going so well, which added to my frustration.  When help is available for concepts in the classes I don't understand, my pride gets in the way, and I'm not willing  to accept help.  And when people understand those concepts of which I struggle, I get jealous, and think, "God, why didn't you give me that knowledge?  Why can't I understand this material?  God, make me smarter!"   And on top of all these negative feelings, I did NOT go to God with them last week, instead I harbored them in my heart (hence the bitterness) OR complained to people here on earth.  Wrong, wrong, wrong!

Well, enough is enough!  I am praying today for a renewed spirit.  I want Him to wash me clean, whiter than snow.  I want a fresh start this week.  I want to thank Him for the GIFTS he has given to ME and use them according to HIS PURPOSE.  I am praying He can renew a loyal spirit within me, to come to Him with my frustrations.  And finally, I want to be refreshed with the restoration of JOY for His salvation (that I may be no longer stagnant in the realization of His sacrifice for me). 

Father, I don't understand how you can make us whiter than snow!  But you do.  I praise you for it!  Lord, I ask that you will make me whiter than snow today.  Father, remove every blemish that is within me that is not of you.  I repent of my bitterness, frustration, pride, and jealously.  Cleanse me of them, Lord.  I pray that you would replace them with joy, patience, praise, and understanding.  I love you, Lord!  Help me to be open and receptive to what you have to show me this week.  Help me to use my gifts to glorify you.  Thanks, Jesus!

Your daughter, 

Sarah

Finding JOY in ridicule...

For my friend, Jessica:

I was reading through Acts 5 and 6 today.  I was just going to read through chapter 5, but the Holy Spirit prompted me to keep going.

This chapter takes place during the time the apostles whom Jesus left on earth to carry forth the good news are going crazy telling people about how Jesus is the Messiah, and how there is no other name under heaven by which we can be saved.  Verse 17 introduces an interesting story.  The high priest and sadducees are laden with jealousy at the apostles for winning so many people in the name of Jesus.  Thus, they order the apostles to be thrown into prison.  The angel of the Lord comes and releases them from prison and instructs them to keep spreading God's word, so the apostles go to the temple and begin proclaiming God's word to the people.  The high council contemplated killing the apostles; however, one of their members advised against it.  Therefore, in verses 40-41, the apostles are "merely" flogged and sent on their way!

Verse 41 reads, "The apostles left the high council REJOICING that God had COUNTED THEM WORTHY to suffer DISGRACE for the name of JESUS."

I know that getting ridiculed for your faith or being asked difficult "in your face" faith questions can be difficult.  (Believe me, being a people-pleaser myself, I find one of the most difficult concepts in scripture to accept is that we WILL be ridiculed and persecuted for our faith).  However, I do have a word of encouragement for you!

The footnotes in my Bible talk about this verse.  I don't always read the footnotes, because I like to interpret scripture myself.  But this particular verse so piqued an interest within me, that I could not help but seek additional reflection.

"Have you ever thought of persecution as a blessing, as something worth rejoicing about?  This beating suffered by Peter and John was the first time any of the apostles had been physically abused for their faith.  These men knew how Jesus had suffered, and they praised God that he had allowed them to be persecuted like their Lord.  If you are mocked or persecuted for your faith, it isn't because you're doing something wrong but because God has counted you 'worthy to suffer disgrace for the name of Jesus!' "

Wow, Jessica!  How encouraging is that?!  That is for you today!  God counts you WORTHY!  Woo-hoo! 

Remember He is with you every step of the way to give you His words of wisdom.  Remember that He will grant our prayer requests if they are in agreement with His will!  All we need to do is pray for His wisdom and guidance to show Him to others, and He will surely grant our request, for that is our purpose here on earth.  I thought that was so cool.  I hope that encourages you...

Finding "refreshment" in God's presence...

Wednesday, Nov. 12:  Blog entry #1

I am walking in God's peace regarding my decision to pursue a degree in pharmacy.  I still am not sure that I am going to end up with a Pharm-D; however, I rest in the fact that I felt the wash of God's complete peace rush over me and I was filled with joy upon my decision to begin school again.  Therefore, at this time, I will try my very best with getting the best grades I can and having a good attitude about school.

A couple weeks ago, I was at Collette's house for our Bible study.  I was telling her about how frustrated I was with applied calculus and chemistry, and how it just feels like there's some sort of a dense "veil" over the area of my brain that's supposed to comprehend this material.  She replied that we all have our gifts in different areas...and maybe the math and sciences just is not my gifted area.  I completely agree.  I've known all along I'm not good at math and science.  I KNOW that I was meant to work with people in some way.  I know that I'm a good communicator, and I have been learning, especially lately, how to be a more effective listener. 

 She suggested a meeting with the pharmacy dean (who's a great christian man and his wife is too...Collette is best friends with his wife), herself, Garrett, and me.  I'm excited to look at this  matter from different perspectives!  Hopefully this will help me make a decision.  

We then started talking to one of the girls in the Bible study who was having issues with her roommate.  I proceeded to give some advice...and Collette said that she wished she had a recorder to record my responses to different situations.  She said I gave great advice....she then asked if I'd ever considered counseling...?  I told her I had (I have considered MANY career paths....), but that the schooling in that area seemed too incredibly yucky.   She assured me that it was only a two year program because I already have a bachelor's degree.  

"Unfortunately,"  she said, "I think the only christian-based counseling program is all the way in Colorado."  Well, yeah, that doesn't seem like the most ideal situation.  However, the ironic thing about finding this out, is that Garrett keeps bugging to maybe end up in Colorado some day!  Crazy.  My sister (Anne) is a social worker, and she is also considering counseling.  This summer, she and her husband, Garrett, and I are going out to Colorado, Nebraska, and Wyoming (just for a fun car trip), and Anne was already talking about touring the school with the counseling program.  I guess I'll have to tour it too...

However, I refuse to borrow trouble here.  This stuff could be a long way off!  Thankfully God gives me the patience I need to wait and see what happens...he always keeps me on my toes! 

My prayer for quiet time:

Father, thank you that you have complete control over my life.  I pray that you would reveal those things in my life that I haven't completely given over to you.  Lord I praise you for freedom to come to you whenever I want in prayer.  Thank you for the opportunity of education.  Father I am striving to know you more and more each day.  Give me a hunger for your word, your advice, and your love.  I pray that I would not feel satisfied in any other thing I do during the day before I've met with you.  Lord I commit this Bible reading time to you.  I pray that you would reveal to me new things I need to learn so that I can apply them to my life to make me more like you.  Thank you for your patience with me.  I love you Father!  Amen.

I read in the book of Acts today.  Acts chapter 3.  In this chapter, Peter and John are going to the temple, see a lame man, and heal him.  As the people are gawking over this event, Peter seizes the opportunity to address the people.  

One part that I enjoyed was verses 19-20.  "Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so hat your sins may be wiped away. 20 Then times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord, and he will again send you Jesus, your appointed Messiah."   

I find the part..."times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord..." especially encouraging. Even though I have already ultimately repented of my sins, and therefore have received Christ into my life, this statement is still very pertinent to me.  I DO feel refreshed after every moment spent with my creator.  It helps me to refocus.  I am such a worrier about earthly things.  Being in His presence reminds me that he has a much bigger purpose than the little everyday worries I tend to focus on.  And I don't have to be anxious about my bigger purpose, because he only advances me to a higher level in that purpose when I am ready.  HE is in control!  He knows me better than I know myself.  If I seek Him, He will guide me in every step.  What a promise!

Thank you again, Lord, for being in control!  I pray that you would guide my words and my actions the rest of this week to reflect you.  I pray that you would help me in my studies this week.  Help me to be able to focus.  Thank you for Garrett being willing to help me understand my chemistry today.  I pray that we would have a great focused time on chemistry and that you would help me with understanding so that I may bring up my chemistry grade.  Help me with applied calculus today.  I pray that my mind would not wander in class and that I can follow the teacher and keep up with the new concepts I am learning.  Thank you for J and L.  They have been such awesome friends!  Bless J's birthday today.  I pray that he would feel joy in knowing that his dad is in your presence this day.  I pray that you would continue to be with his mom, brother, and J as they are still grieving their husband and dad.  I pray that you would bless our conversation this evening.  I pray it would glorify you, rather than being filled with any gossip or anger.  I lift up L to you.  Help her to feel peace with where she is at.  I pray that she would feel your freedom in being able to make decisions.  Whisper your words of comfort and peace into her ears father, and I pray that she and R would be support for one another.  Father, I lift up my accountability partner to you.  What a blessing you have given me in having accountability with someone who is seeking you with all her heart!  Lord, I pray for her family situation.  Father you know every hurt that is going on in her family....every miscommunication and misunderstanding.  You know where her parents' hearts are.  I pray for healing for JA's family.  I pray that walls of hostility would be torn down in your name.  Father, if it is your will, use JA as a peace maker.  Equip her with your words and wisdom when she visits each parent, and give her peace Lord.  I thank you that you heart us when we cry out to you!  

God, you're the ultimate AWESOMENESS!!  I want to glorify you in everything I do.  Thank you for every rich blessing!

In your name, Amen.